alternative space for me

there are 2 days left for the year. i can't say it's been the best year in my life. in fact, it's been kind of a bad year. i just hope it will be better in 2008. 

 

surprise of the year is that a few friends have departed from earth. when i learned about the first one, i was in shock. and it didn't end with one. may they find peace.

 

there were also friends who left the country maybe permanently. luckily we are still in touch.

 

it is also a year of heartaches and betrayals. people you thought you can count on were really there. it hurt at first but i learned to numb these pains.

 

it is also a year of obsession. obsession with shoes and clothes! (when did i start to care so much how i look? maybe it is a real sign of getting old....) obsession with certain TV series and anime series. (how the dialogues can evoke so much emotion lately? and some shows are not even good shows!) other obsession...maybe i have an obsessive personality.

 

but it is not all a bad year.

 

i got to see my parents again after a long separation. my cousin got married and is expecting her first child. i made new friends who are very nice and genuine. i met up wtih old friends from far away and long ago. i am happy to hear that although some friends fell ill, they are on mends.

 

i do hope that i see more of these happy events in 2008.

 

happy new year.

 

November sees the departure of a few friends from Canada. Some of them are leaving permanently, while others for a short time (but can still be a few years). It is strange that all of a sudden these people I know would be out of my life all at once. Some of them move for work, some move for more personal reasons. I do admire their courage to face changes and the unknown. They are much braver than me.

 

I wish my friends safe journeys and a bright future in wherever they are. I will miss you guys

the day started out innocently. i got up later than i wanted and got to the gym later than i would like. i managed to finish working out and get to work not too late. a regular day for the most part, despite being a cooler day than the the earlier in the week. then no reason, no warning, i felt sad. overwhelming emotions that overtook me. i can feel that if given the chance i would break out in tears....

 

i still have no explanation for the sudden change in my mood. but it was so noticeable that i was not happy my co-workers asked me if i were ok. when i was asked, i jokingly said maybe it's "andropause"...

 

it wasn't that good to feel so sad. i hope that is just a weird mood swing...

 

a few friends told me they are worreid about me after reading my blog. i have to thank them for caring. re-reading the recent blog entries, i realized they are pretty grim looking. i sounded like i am on the verge of suicide. sorry to alarm anyone out there. it's not all sadness in my world. there are happy times and there are sad times. unfortunately, sadness drives me to write on my blog more than happiness. i guess misery likes company. it's easier to vent and it does feel better once you release some of the negative thoughts that have been accummulating in your mind. like i said before, i really should learn to be more sensitive to others. sorry again to make you worried, friends. i do have friends. in fact, i am fortunate to have many friends. at times, i just feel alone. but it's not your fault. it's me, still learning to trust, and to open up. this blog is a tool. but you might notice i am being very vague on many things. purposely sometimes. sometimes just being my old secretive self.

 

life always has its ups and downs. i am lucky to have people who worry about me during my down times. it's very nice to know there are people who care about me. if i die suddenly, maybe there might even be some people who might say some nice things about me...ok, i am getting to be too morbid (again!)

 

once again, thank you for being a friend. i am happy now because i have people who care about me.